she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
