She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
well you can't waste a boner
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
