Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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