sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
