I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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