Don't you send me to vm
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
