she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
