Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
