apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
