I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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