I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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