If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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