I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
