i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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