the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
