my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just had sex bonerless
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
