You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
