it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
