He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
