I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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