i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
