Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
