Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
