I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
