I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
