Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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