I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize