If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize