can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize