We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
