What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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