Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
