Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
