I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
