Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
