I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
