So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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