3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
