discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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