A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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