Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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