so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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