she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
