you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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