My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
