no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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