i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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