His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
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I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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