My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
