There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
