hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
