tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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