Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
