Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
