I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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