You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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