Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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