If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
