You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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