One girl and one boy is just not enough.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
