i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
