i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
