He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
