I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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