I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
