PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
