Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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