awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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