He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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