i barfeds in our rink
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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