he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
